Holding on by a thread

The last few weeks have blown by. I honestly cannot wrap my brain around the fact that Thanksgiving is days away and then preparation for December.

It always seems like there is "something" to deal with. Waiting for the calm or quiet periods is simply a joke. So I am working on the fine art of acceptance. Accepting that I am doing the best I can, that I can't control everything, that sometimes the "it's not as bad as it could be" are the good times.

Some moments are so simple

Sitting inside on a rainy day. Three kids at school full day, one napping and one enjoying making choices and not having to compromise with the others. Who knew things would some day get to this sweet place.

And, then I thought, what's it going to be like when they are all gone all day? Damn lonely.

Mom jeans

The other day a woman pregnant for the first time expressed concern about the weight she had gained and getting her body "back" to it's pre-pregnancy state. That's a loaded question because so many issues come into play. Whether you nurse, how well you eat, exercise, sleep, stress etc. For me sometimes the weight came off and sometimes it did not.

But my body did change. Wider hips, stretch marks, softer tissue and the breasts... Clothes just did not fit the same way. Where I shopped and the things I bought shifted. I needed a higher rise jean and more "adult" clothes that made room for hips. Nursing affected the shirts I could wear both due to the size of my chest and comfort. I have often joked that people should be more afraid of my stomach than a quick flash of my breast.

As your body changes through the pregnancy and then into post-partum any issues we have with body image surface. And it doesn't help that a number of celebrities are shown slimmed down weeks after giving birth. The reality is we live in a time where there are so many ways to adjust the way we look. When we compare oursleves to others we can't be sure what we see is real. I'm sure one woman would trade her umarked body for the ability to have kids or the opportunity to nurse.

Pregnant with #5 I was standing next to my sister and we had my kids around us. I don't know why I said it, I am VERY careful about body image around my girls, I said "Look at Aunt Ms tummy and Mommy's fat belly. Isnt' her belly prettier?" To which my kids shouted "NO! Mommy your belly is prettier because you have a baby in it." They are so great and wise. Now it's up to me to help protect their wisdom and confidence.

One is hard when you have one, two is hard when you have two...

I have five kids and people ALWAYS comment when they see us. "I don't know how you do it." "You must be supermom." "I thought (insert number here) was hard." The reality is parenting is hard and there is no easy number of kids.

Yes, it is easier to run errands with my 5 and 6 year olds who can get themselves in and out of the car than with the 5 month old and 2 year old BUT my 5 and 6 year olds have learned the fine art of taunting. So instead of being physically exhausted from hauling the two "littles" around I'm being overwhelmed by their teasing, whining and "MOOOOOOOOOOOOM - he/she said XXXX." Which leads to me completely forgetting why I am running errands in the first place!

So I had to learn to let go. OK, OK I have heard it from many. I'm too uptight. I need things a certain way. I did too...once upon a time.

The day everything changed was when I learned to accept fully where I am in my life. I can't hold on to my goals and desires of the past as if I have failed to do them instead I had to realize that I have so much time ahead of me. I can fulfill old dreams or come up with new ones when the time is right. I don't have to do it all now. And I don't have to do any of it. It could all be different tomorrow. Today I get to stay home with my kids.